as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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