she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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