My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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