I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
