Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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