He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He better not be in your backpack
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
