I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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