we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
