why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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