my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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