This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
