I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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