...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
