stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
