OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
