apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
