My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
