Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
