the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
