it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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