haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
