Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize