I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
