I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
