we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
