We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
