He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
