we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Alive.
So much puke
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
