yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
