The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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