He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
