is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you will always have a special place in my vag
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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