I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
