That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have to summon your inner elephant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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