she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
