Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
