Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
