I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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