I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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