Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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