I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
