dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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