He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
