My first STD was from a foam party
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
