Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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