I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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