the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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