Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize