Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
