I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
