He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
