OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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