Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
