you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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