I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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