just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
