i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
