Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
