Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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