She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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