also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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