found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
