My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
