The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
