to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
