You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
