hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
