Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize