I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
