the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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