I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
