it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
