Can i not drive my cunt home
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize