We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
