Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
