LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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