We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize