So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
